Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Petrol - The Elixir of Life!

Hello people!

This is an IM conversation I had this morning with my friend. It was about petrol. Petrol/diesel has been rather scarce this week in Chennai (atleast). To the extent, our company's buses had to be cancelled. Believe me when I say, there were a lot less of the IT company buses on the road. A lot of crowd at the bunks and all that. We discussed a way to curb that.

Disclaimer: The following conversation happened for fun and either parties had absolutely no intention of going forth with the ideas discussed. Neither is this acting to encourage other parties to take a leaf from it. The participants of the following conversation AND those mentioned in its course, either real or fictional, can NOT be held responsible for the consequences of others' actions following reading this.

Note: Please forgive the occasional use of local english aka tanglish. And in spite of it being for fun, it is a serious issue. Give it a thought.

aks: hiya
aks: good morn...
me: hello
me: good morning
aks: do u have petrol!??!
me: yes :D
aks: i dont :(
me: for another week easily..
me: hmm
aks: waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh
aks: i do not have!!!!
aks: gimme some?!?!?
me: why didn't you fill before hand?
me: sure i will..
aks: cos i usually fill on monday evening
me: whatever..
me: you want some?
aks: i really do da...
aks: i don think i'll have petrol to go back home itself...
aks: last shot i'll leave at 4 today and see if they give petrol
aks: illati i'll cal u only :D
me: okk
me: i can spare you some at Rs.100/ltr
me: fair enough ?
aks: excuse me?!?!
aks: konjam overa ille?!?!?
aks: too much!!!
aks: help panuvenu paatha
me: i AM helping
me: do you know how many lorries/trucks/vans/bikes are parked on the wrong side near and along an OMR petrol bunk?
me: from mettukuppam to thoraipakkam
aks: wel...
aks: why but?!?!?
me: and there is a longer line (more like a thread of noodle) of people inside the bunk itself
me: all carrying cans
me: the thing is, its not for water..
me: its for petrol
aks: lol....
aks: such is the nelamai....
aks: i had half a mind to come in my sister's cycle...
aks: but then she refused to part wit it :(
me: she's more prudent than you
aks: stupid greedy sister of mine

[I've edited out some part here, which is out of context]

how much does an auto cost you?
me: *will
aks: 40 rs :D
me: ok...
me: 50 + something from your 'esteemed' canteen
aks: grrrrr
aks: seri po...
me: see,
aks: come to my office in the evenin...
aks: i shall get u loads from here :)
me: i give you more security than a stranger driving an auto
aks: so how much u gonna charge me for tat sir?!?! :)
me: i told you
me: 50+ food
aks: ada paaaavi
aks: 50 rs...
aks: plus food ah?!??!
aks: grrrrrrr
aks: even an auto wont fleece me so much!!!
me: secutiry
me: *security..
me: i'll talk in the language you're most comfortable
me: i come to meet you
aks: lol...
me: its safe to tell me your address
me: (ok that's part of sec)
aks: u already know my address u goof!!
me: precisely
me: you see how much petrol can do?
me: it is more or less like M$...you put it everywhere and now you can't live w/o it
aks: grrrrr
aks: i wish i put it everywhere other than my tank...
me: but that's what you did!
me: all the petrol went out through the exhaust pipe in the name of fun!
me: i wonder if i should become a petrol mafia!
aks: pls do... then i think i should be the police to kill u :D
me: do you realize the police need petrol/diesel too?
aks: i'll fly and cum to catch u :)
me: remember the dialogue from Indian? the RTO scene:
me: stop being an underage
aks: wit a frame ilk mine u can afford to do tat u know :)
aks: poda!
me: chandru (kamal): inga parthiya? asst commissioner thu...avare enga kitta thaan license vangararu...
me: tell you something
me: i think you'll be useful
aks: sollu....
me: why don't you join me in becoming (perhaps) the world's first petrol mafia?
aks: he he he he he... i like this idea!!!
aks: sure...
aks: wats the proper deal?!?!
aks: :)
me: 50-50
aks: done..
aks: wat am i supp to do??!?!?
aks: do i get OT handle guns?!?! :D
aks: i love shooting ppl...
aks: dishooom :)
me: [you get the one they have at the beach]
me: oh yes..of course you do
aks: phine!!!!
aks: but i'll use real bullets...
aks: wat else do w have to do?!?!? :D
me: find me sources of petrol
me: we'll employ the unemployed/dis-employed to run errands
aks: hmmmm
aks: wait...
me: exchange money (they won't know its money)
aks: find sources of petrol ah?!?1
me: get petrol from our sources
me: yes..
me: you can't justdial.com it!
aks: how?!?!
aks: damn!!!
me: that's were your skills come into play
aks: not tat easy i can see...
aks: ahem.... yes yes...
aks: so i use my skills and find petrol...
aks: olrite...
aks: then?!?!
me: then what?
me: as we grow, we need to delegate our work a bit..
aks: hmmm
aks: findin ppl wont be tough...
me: we pay enough to keep the police mum..
aks: esp when we can find petrol itself :)
me: yes, they'll probably come to us
aks: her do we get the money for tat in the beginning?!?
me: and mind you, we two have to be the ONLY people who know everything about the whole org
me: you work in world bank..
me: get transferred to accounts dept!
aks: secret keeping?!?!?
aks: so?!?!
me: yes..the rest only know what they're upto
aks: and?!?!
aks: siphon off funds from there?!?!?
me: more or less..
me: we'll discuss that offline..chat ain't safe!
aks: defi mafia only very soon...
aks: ah... for tat u should cum to my office..
aks: we shall discuss over masala dosa :)
me: no
me: somewhere more secluded
aks: urm.... like her?!?!?
me: will tell that when i call from a ELCRODAT encrypted phone
aks: i also wan tat phone!!!
me: we'll have that soon..
me: in fact all our phones need to be that...
me: remember the three blind Israeli brothers?
me: we'll need to use them too soon..
aks: sexy...
aks: hey..
aks: we can dig out Israel too...
aks: maybe they have sources of hidden resources for petrol
me: hmmm
me: i think australia has a big resource and they aren't tapping it till the world runs out
me: imagine the price of crude oil then!
aks: so we'll attack them first?!?
me: not attack..
me: enter into a deal with the oil barons there..
me: we'll need to kajafy them beforehand..
me: we'll need to go big on resources once the demand goes up
aks: oooh...
aks: u do tat talkin...
aks: i'll do the gun holding :)
me: behind whose back?
me: mine?
aks: yes of course....
aks: to shoot the gun in front of u da...
aks: ithu kude theriyathu
aks: seen films no?!?!
me: yes, how your right arm becomes a traitor
aks: ille da makku...
aks: when u talking to someone i'll whip out the gun from behind and shoot him if he tries to attack u?!?!
aks: appadi...
aks: thapu thappa yosikare paathiya...
me: just being careful
me: ok, that's it then?
me: when do we start the works?
me: or should we discuss it offline?
aks: ah.. tat is ah?!?!? all decided?!?!
aks: offline offline...
me: yep..
aks: u don believe me but you'll believe ppl who frisk the net?!?1
me: the chat on petrol mafia is hence close
aks: wogay :)
me: i do believe you..
aks: yaaaaay am all excited... :)
me: am using a secure SSL 1024-bit connection
aks: urm....
aks: i believe u too...
me: by the time they decode it (w/o the key) it'll be the next day of Brahma
aks: [watever tat is]

me: ok,
me: am going to blog this chat!

aks: lol...
aks: am waitin to read it...

me: lets share with the world this silly chat!

I sincerely hope all this doesn't (have to) happen. Is there absolutely nothing left to be done to check the price of oil? Its is not that I do not understand the petrol companies' need to recover losses and the governments' too. But yet, it is the (new) elixir of life.



Vishal said...

(12:17:49) VS: did you comment on the blog?
(12:17:55) VS: you NEVER comment
(12:17:59) me: haven't seen yet

there! Happy :D

LVS said...



anuradha said...

The script for a Ram-Gopal-Varma-kind-movie being readied huh ?

What genre would it fit in ?

Action ?! Gun(s) there. So can say..

Drama ?! Cycle sentiment there. So can say..

Comedy ?! yes yes.. That's what it is.. Funny story, funnier dialogs, funniest ga(n)gmen..

LVS said...


yes, i was going to make you the villain...

Vishal said...

I encourage you to start this "Mafia" biz, as time moves on you will be referred to as "The GodFather" oh no wait "The GasFather"

Anonymous said...

I really dunno whether to laugh r cry. I am sure there wud be many who wud b seriously discussing the same. Parking bikes in roads/ parking lots wud no more be safe. I suggest everyone use public mode of transport/petrolfree modes like cycles(Lot healthier I guess... )

Thanks poly for such a timely blog...


Akshaya said...

LV.. Looks lik ppl really wan the mafia in very badly!! Wat say we really get tat blah blah phone and start operating soon :D

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